This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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