Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
