Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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