why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have aggressive nipples.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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