I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
