i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
