Don't you send me to vm
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
