Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
