yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
