I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
