I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
