halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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