She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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