is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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