This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
