Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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