Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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