ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
