i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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