i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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