Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
