that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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