Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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