I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
