I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
