i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
