Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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