If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
