I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
