Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
