hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
