i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
