Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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