Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
