It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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