Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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