dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it because I queefed?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Terrible idea I love it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
