I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's the barista slut.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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