some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
