There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
