Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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