how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
