and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
