Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
