I can't watch pbs sober anymore
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
