Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
