they need to just BURY HIM!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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