I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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