I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
