never play flip cup with pint glasses
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
