Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
