I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
