dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
