I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
